Whether you’re trying to increase your chances of getting it up, keeping it up or both, you might be focusing your initial energy and attention on the wrong part of your body. There are more than just physical factors at play when a man is sexually aroused or hoping to be. His ability to have a harder erection and to increase libido can have a great deal to do with what’s happening in his brain, as well as his groin. In fact, these two major sources of male muscle are much more connected than you may realize.
Learn how to focus your mind first and you just might feel increasingly powerful and long-lasting as a lover, too.
Test for Stress
So you’re feeling sexy with your partner but that harder erection you need to get the job done just isn’t happening. You feel the stress building as you focus more and more on what’s not working. You get frustrated and possibly embarrassed. The more you try to be ready for intercourse, the less ready you become.
It will take time and practice, but you can teach yourself how to take a quick “stress test” in those frustrating private moments you might be able to flip the sexy switch back on with a harder erection than you thought possible.
First, slow down and breathe deep while taking a quick check of your thoughts. Are they thoughts of success or thoughts of failure? Turn your thoughts into confident, positive ones while wiping away all thoughts or feelings of inadequacy or fear.
If you are prone to sexual dysfunction in any way, you might also be prone to thinking negatively about your body or sexual abilities. It’s extremely important to your sexual satisfaction (and that of your partner) to practice positive thinking over and over again until it comes naturally to you.
Have affirmations memorized ahead of time that you can repeat in your mind during and even before sex begins. Here are some examples of positive affirmations to consider:
I achieve a harder erection easily and consistently.
I’m a powerful lover, with rock hard erections every time I’m aroused.
My body is a sexual powerhouse of passion and virility.
Sex is fun and I love sharing and showing my desire.
Learn to Believe
Create affirmations that sound natural to you and that are worded in a way that helps you actually believe them. Without belief in your ability to overcome sexual challenges, your affirmations will sound empty or even ridiculous and be completely useless.
If reading those affirmations above made you snicker uncomfortably or think that you would never try such a thing, then you’ve already got issues with belief that could be a source of your flaccid state when trying for the harder erection that seems beyond your reach.
Faith is a powerful force and certainly helps your overall sexual experience when you believe your body is capable of giving and receiving pleasure. Yet some people assume belief is either a given that requires no practice or it’s simply unachievable when their body has proven again and again that it will function below their expectations.
Runners who don’t believe they will win the race are probably right. Strong, positive belief paired with a strong, prepared body can create incredible extra momentum and stamina that the negative mind can, unfortunately, cancel or hinder in minutes.
Though remember – you’re not running a race in the bedroom! It’s important to take the performance pressure off in order for positive thoughts and belief to take hold. Yes, that belief takes practice and, yes, those harder erections can be a very happy result of believing you can have them and deserve them.
Get Harder by Trying Less?
No, not exactly. Learning to relax your body while strengthening your mind isn’t “trying less,” it’s a process of strengthening one muscle (your brain) in order to support and strengthen the other (your penis). Men who have mastered the art of thinking positively – with lots of committed practice – have learned that sexual success can be enhanced by developing a positive mindset routine.
Achieving harder erections through a happier, healthier mindset might take a few months of consistent practice to see positive results, so practice patience, too. Just as it takes time to break negative habits, it takes time to replace them with positive reinforcement, body image and belief.
When your mind and your “member” work together as a team, your chances for rock hard readiness go up, up, up!