Sexual issues are at the heart of more than few arguments between couples. Sometimes she doesn’t feel like, other times it’s the last thing you want to do. Many times, one partner simply isn’t as into it as the other but you go ahead anyway. Could this lead to even more trouble? Can too much sex really be a problem? According to a recent study at Toronto University it can. Researchers there found that people who had sex just to keep their partner happy can actually be hurting their relationship.
The Pressure to Keep Up
For men, the pressure to keep up with the Joneses goes well beyond lawn care and the car parked in the driveway. Men feel pressure to keep their partners happy in life and in bed. This pressure can lead to problems with their sex drive as well as sexual performance. As a result, men seek out way to increase libido and boost performance, even if it’s at the expense of their health. More importantly, they sometimes pursue an unrealistic ideal. For example, some men think women want to have sex for hours at a time, several times a week. They may base this assumption on past relationships, stories from friends or the impression they get from reading the covers of women’s magazines. Whatever the source, if you’re not speaking directly to your partner about how much sex she wants, then you can’t be sure you’re giving her what she wants.
Chances are, your partner wants sex less often than you think. This isn’t because she’s not attracted to you, but because for most women, when it comes to sex, it’s all about quality over quantity. Engaging in sex when you – or your partner – aren’t in the mood may seem like a good idea, but it can actually turn sex into a chore. It can also diminish your sex drive over time and can negatively impact your libido and performance. Luckily, the solution is simple.
Balancing Your Sex Drive and Your Sex Life
Improving your diet and taking on extra exercise are great ways to increase libido, energy and overall happiness. With this increase in your sex drive, you may think the only outlet is to have more sex with your partner. However, engaging in sex all the time can be a problem, so what’s a man to do? The answer is simple – keep sex special.
Researchers from Toronto who conducted the study found that women were able to tell when their partners were simply ‘going through the motions’ and this further added to stress in the relationship. Overwhelmingly, female partners prefer to keep sex reserved for when you’re both in the mood. When you want to connect intimately but the mood isn’t right for sex, try prolonged foreplay sessions or replaying high school fun by making out on the couch in front of a movie. Make intimacy about more than just running off to bed for a round of sex – turn it into foreplay and teasing that lasts hours, days or even for a full week.
For most men, the thought of complaining about too much sex is laughable. But when sex becomes simply something that needs to be done instead of something to be savored and enjoyed, it loses part of its magic. Problems in the bedroom remain the leading subject of most arguments and disagreements and pressure to have sex is a major part of that. For couples who find themselves seeing sex as a chore instead or a treat, it could be time for a major sex life makeover. Turn sex into more than just what happens between the sheets. By increasing the intimate play and emotional relationship that sex is a part of, you can strengthen your relationship and heighten arousal for you both.
If you’re struggling to keep up and feeling like sex has lost a spark, consider backing off and actually having less sex. Taking sex off the table for awhile can help relieve the pressure and performance stress that leads to stress and arguments in your relationship. The end result could be a more satisfying and ultimately more active sex life.